33rd / 424th District Courts

A little humor never hurt anyone. OK, it's computer humor but may be useful in discovery in one of your cases one day. 2 minutes of CLE credit is hereby granted. :-)
glj

Actual letter of resignation from an employee at Zantex Computers, USA
to her boss, who apparently resigned very soon
afterwards!


Dear Mr. Baker,

As a graduate of an institution of
higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is
that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground
squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my coworkers and me
during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the
few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator,
to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll
into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen.
I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were
apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch
you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the
hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as
incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also
never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to
you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an
IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You
walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You
have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your
interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on
overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In
a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else
eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.
Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal
lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation, however I have a few
parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment,
it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to
hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over
the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable
to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the
system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you
decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I
conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe
that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the
administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures
of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take
pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the
techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts
with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in
safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to
use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank
you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00
am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions
will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why?
Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a
grand and glorious day,

Cecelia